Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sex in the City...

Twas World Aids’ Day yesterday….and this reminded me of a long forgotten topic for my blog….
This had hit me wen I was in Medicine (I’m done wid Surgery now…. *procrastination* huh!)….
Aids- we all know enuf and more bout it…..
Though there are many equally and even more distressing medical conditions, AIDS gets a special mention coz of the social stigma associated with it, in it being a sexually transmitted disease.

A lot has been said and done in making people realize that AIDS cannot be transmitted by mere touching or by droplets, yet there’s always an air of avoidance around people who are HIV +ve….. the Medical staff, in my college at least, doesn’t refuse treatment to the HIV+ves, but, yes, due to the extra precaution needed in dealing wid these patients (as also in HepB +ve cases), the patients prolly do feel like an outcast among the other patients….
But the purpose of this blogpost is not to reiterate the various psychological effects of AIDS….
Wat I want to speak bout is the FAMILY of the affected…
And being even more specific, the SPOUSE of the person concerned…..

Going by the trends in our hospital, (irrespective of world trends) malees seem to be affected with HIV more than women… at least…. Of the detected cases, males have been more than women.
And the most common mode of transmission suspected, and found is by Sexual Contact.

It’s so well established that our teachers have told us to suspect HIV infection as a prime cause if a driver/ hotel worker presents with symptoms similar to that of AIDS.
Same goes for a person working outside Kerala.
The logic is that these people are more prone to the exposure to the virus, prolly by intercourse with sex workers, since they are far from their own homes and women.
Prolly the stress of their work combined with the basic human needs leads them to relieve their stress thru illicit sexual acts and in turn leading them to their deathbed.

Even wen we come across women (or hear bout some patient’s case history) with the disease, it’s usually contracted from her husband. I, personally, have seen only one woman who HERSELF was into many sexual relations, was working as a laborer outside Kerala and had been infected with the virus. She was a widow in her late thirtys.

So, wat I mean is….most cases of HIV I have heard of are MEN with illicit sexual contacts.
For the patient himself, it’s definitely a pain. I don’t deny that.
Who doesn’t sin?
And don’t we know that a lot of boys have many ‘girlfriends’ (so to call) and have sex with each of them?
[on second thots, theabove statement appears mild.. prolly coz I am in Alpy.. had I been in some other “City”, I wud have had to use stronger words]
But, these people, our HIV+ves are unlucky enuf to fall to the wrong people at the wrong time.
So, surely… I wont say that they don’t deserve any em/sympathy from us.
But, the real victims, in my opinion, are the wives of these patients…..

Imagine being a wife, living alone, bringing up the kids, killing ur own sexual needs (*assumingly*), waiting for the husband to return from that big city where he’s working so that the family may have a slightly bigger income. And then you get the news that ur husband isn’t keeping well…. He comes home for a while, takes some medicines, feels somewhat better.. and in this visit home, prolly even has sex with you…..
And then he returns only to come back finally with a severely deteriorated condition….
And now u r upset… u rpraying for ur husband…….
And then he is detected wid HIV….

Wat shud u be thinking?????????
Shud u be thinking of his death? Wat wud u do after he dies?
When will he die?
How wil u bring up d kids alone?
And until he dies… he’ll be sick throughout… how wil u meet the expenses????
Or shud u think of ur own life???
Has he given the disease to u?
If u r found wid the disease, it’s over… there’s hell here and hell there…
If not,… well… one hell is good enuf to cause pain…..
If u r pregnant….does ur child have the disease…?
Can u abort the child?
Is the pregnancy past abortion?
Will the child be born wid the disease?
And of course…………….
Besides all these questions, besides all these bruises on ur heart.. there’s one bruise that, I believe, is the deepest….

The bruise of being cheated….
The bruise of coming to know that ur husband slept with another woman while u waited for him.
The bruise of knowing that all the misery in ur life now, and in the future owe their birth to the disloyalty of ur husband.

And to add to the pain is that being a woman, 9 times out of ten… u don’t walk out of the relation.. for the sake of ur children, for thesake of society, or whatever.. u hold on to that same man… and sit beside him as he lies motionless on the bed…. U serve him, clean his shit and feed him and bear all the load.. of a man… who cheated on you.

I wonder how many men wud do that to a woman…
I guess, that’s why women are special.
Sometimes, wen I think of all the pains of being a woman…. I feel it’s such a bullshit to say ‘women are special’ and blah blah…!!! Wat’s the point in saying all this crap??? It doesn’t change the ground reality… does it????

So, the woman stays behind…
You, the woman…. You stay behind with this mofo waiting for ur family to collapse.
How cool is that?

I, very personally, believe that this scar is as deep as a scar created by….rape..probably….

Imagine having a boyfriend.. and finding out that he went on a date or kissed or simple held another girl’s waist…. How wud u react???
Then imagine the same with ur husband???
Then imagine that this mofo of a husband went and happily slept wid another woman??? How wud u react???
Wudn all hell break loose??
Wudn u shout scream… threaten…. And …wel… wat not????/

And then imagine that the mofo got home a disease thru his adventurous pursuits in life……….
And then imagine not being able to show ur anger.. not being able to shout at him.. not being able to curse him for bringing u to this juncture…….
Coz’ the mofo’s pure heavenly soul is goin to depart from his body…. Leaving you wid a shattered heart, a shattered pride and no income.

I can only ask u to imagine…..
Imagine for urself.

P.S.- ya, I told that we need to em/sympathise wid the patient but well…..towards the end I got desp ….and so the “mofo”ism.

P.S.2-All HIV infections are not AIDS… AIDS is a term that actually means the last stage of the spectrum of the disease caused by HIV infection, however, usually, in layman terms.. AIDS and HIV infection are interchangeably used. I’m mentioning this to be on a ‘medically’ correct side.

Allah hafiz


Pythoroshan said...

this is a strong post... surprised I'm the only one who's commented .. have seen this happen earlier.. wher the woman breaks down on finding out she has AIDS knowing its the husband whos done her in... believe me, its a horrible feeling having to tell it to them. cant imagine how they carry on with such a mental and physical betrayal

JaLpArI - tHe MeRmAiD said...

ya... it must be a very sad state to go thru.... that's wat made me write this blogpost...